


What could have been

by Nana_Bang



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Crying, Gay, Idols, Jealous Lee Felix (Stray Kids), Lee Felix (Stray Kids) is Whipped, Lee Felix (Stray Kids) is a Sweetheart, Lee Felix (Stray Kids)-centric, M/M, Men Crying, Mental Anguish, Mentioned Stray Kids Ensemble, Minor Lee Felix/Seo Changbin, Sad Ending, Sad Lee Felix (Stray Kids), Yaoi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-22
Updated: 2019-10-22
Packaged: 2020-12-28 09:35:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21134552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nana_Bang/pseuds/Nana_Bang
Summary: Felix is having a bad time, because of a broken heart. Disappointment and pain does not let the Australian move forward. He can't stop thinking about who broke his heart and who started a new relationship with another.





	What could have been

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, this is a translation of a fic of mine. I would like people who speak English to read this crap. I'm sorry if the spelling or writing is disgusting, I'm not an English language expert.

I was lying in the middle of the other members, we had seen a movie and we all fell asleep. It was not our intention to sleep like that but little by little, we all lost to sleep.

That day was a free one, we could enjoy it anyway. I smiled at the notary who had covers with many blankets, probably Chan or Woojin had been responsible, they always looked after us.

I looked towards the ceiling and trying to sleep, I had woken up in the middle of the night.

But our thoughts didn't leave my mind, thoughts that hadn't left me in weeks.

I looked away at the sleeping Changbin and smiled when I saw him so peaceful, but that smile became sad as he remembered recent events. I had lost everything in the survival program. I never expected to get so close to my partner and friend Changbin, but slowly I did. Maybe the reason was because he listened to my problems, my insecurities and helped me overcome them.

I was supposed to talk to our leader Chan but somehow, I know it made it much easier to talk to Bin. Chan already had many concerns to add one more.

I don't know when it really started but I enjoyed his company too much, it made me smile at just thinking about spending time with him.

I realized these feelings, when it seemed that I could not be by his side. When he eliminated me, what affected me most was to separate me from him. As he was on the program, we could not spend so much time together and despite what I had Minho by my side was not the same.

Every message that came from him made my day. At that moment I knew that I needed him in my life, that I wanted him and not as a simple friend. I wanted to be able to hug him and kiss him every day, without being afraid of leaking on the internet. That was another problem, the Idols could hardly have a relationship, that could end our career and everything we fought.

We all know that this has happened with other artists. We cannot know how fans would react to this, if they would accept it or ... they would stop being fans. That's why I was afraid to try to do something but in the end I didn't have to do anything. They gave us one last chance and I tried my best to be with him again.

Months after the debut, one night we kissed. We were alone and Changbin had just arrived from the studio, it was very dark. I worried about him and tried to talk with him to rest more. I did not achieve that but I won a kiss that I will never forget. I hoped that from there our relationship would move forward and he did it at the beginning but ... He began to be almost never at home and would not let me be much with him in the studio. I felt like I was beginning to contain my problems, having no one to talk to. I tried to talk to him when he arrived at night, but I was always very tired.

After a while, I started to let off steam with Woojin but it was never the same. His hugs were of love and never of love. Although he really didn't want Woojin's hugs of love, he just wanted to Changbin ... It's ironic that our work It was who joined us and also who separated us. I was so relieved when we could spend time, even if it was things for our group. But I began to notice how he didn't react as before, he walked away when he tried to be close to him.

Our distancing was so obvious that the fans themselves noticed it. I read many comments saying that our shipp was dying and most did not seem happy. At first I thought it was because of fatigue and that it was not personal, that it was like that with everyone. But notice how Hyunjin's hugs began to correspond and that they began to spend time together.

I looked at Changbin once more and noticed how I was hugging Hyunjin. I felt something burning in my chest. I felt angry back then and I realized that I was jealous. It hurt to see him smile at another person, just like he used to smile when he was with me. Try to convince me that it was my imagination and that they were just friends. Changbin began to reject me more rudely and although he held himself before the cameras, he sometimes escaped.

I seriously tried to be close again but no matter what I did, Changbin followed Hyunjin. My fears were confirmed a few weeks ago, The two had confessed that they were in a relationship.

It hurt like I never imagined it and I cried hidden in the bathroom. Try to look normal and not worry about others. But it doesn't help that Changbin didn't notice how I felt, when in the past he read me like a book. I wonder if Hyunjin accompanied him those nights and that is why they fell in love. Somehow I feel that this is my fault, that if I had tried harder to spend time with him, now I would be the one in his arms and not Hyunjin.

In the end my attempts to appear normal failed, at least with Chan. He came to talk to me and let me off with him. He told me that he would help me overcome it and that I would not have to react badly, fans could tell. So every time we went out, Chan always kept me away from who I love and tried to distract me. But no matter what I do, my heart still speeds up when I think about it, no matter what I do.

I try to eliminate those feelings, because I know I could break the group but I can't. Every time we rest in rehearsals, I can't help looking at him and admiring his face. I know that most people thought he wasn't beautiful but for me it's ... .just perfect. I feel like some tears start to fall from my cheeks, I knew that love hurt but that does not make it easier.

I wiped my tears from my eyes and closed my eyes, trying not to think that I had lost what could have been the love of my life. I slept feeling lonely, even though I was surrounded by friends. The only company I wanted right now, **was the only one I couldn't have ...**

**Author's Note:**

> I hope this has been decent, thanks for reading this!
> 
> Bye ♡


End file.
